Larry Preston

Champion of Endless Optimization (CEO) at Digital Opera & Raceday. Happy stoic, aspirational minimalist, recovered big hair 80’s rock star. Author of “Star Fire Kids – Midnight Blue Express”.

The Great Scottsdale Blizzard of 2021®

A series of posts I created while living through an unusual snowstorm in Scottsdale, Arizona, tells the tale of the people in Scottsdale who are not used to snow, cold, and clouds. 

AKA The Blizzard of Scottsdale

BEHOLD: The great Scottsdale blizzard of 2021!!😂

“As the great blizzard of Scottsdale 2021 raged on, many a brave Arizonian raced to the stores for supplies, fearing the potential of a natural disaster that could have them locked inside for more than 3 hours!”

“Some local men were actually spotted wearing full-length pants rather than the more typical golf shorts due to the bitterly cold (below 40 degrees!) temperatures. The site of full-length pants caused even more of a panic for some. “

And just like that, the great Scottsdale blizzard of 2021 came to pass. The sun came out, and there was much rejoicing.

And the Wizards of Rio Verde came down from the misty mountains.

They spoke to the masses who had survived the Great Scottsdale Blizzard of 2021® and said: “All will be well. For yee have survived indoors for almost a few hours. Your strength and courage have proven true and honest. Go forth, put back on yee golf shorts and prepare thyself for the return of the sun, which you have so justly earned with your sufferings.”

And there was much rejoicing.

Sadly for the inhabitants who suffered so much earlier in the day, the Wizards of Rio Verde retreated into the Misty Mountains, and the Great Scottsdale Blizzard of 2021® resumed!

Soon fear and panic set in again, as many of the peasants have hovels with no fireplace! Oh, the horror! Instead, they would have to put on full-length sweat pants and sweaters and wait out the storm that would consume them.

And in the morning, if they could venture out, they would have somehow, beyond all odds, make it Target or Wal-Mart or The Wine Shop for much-needed supplies and survival items in case the Great Scottsdale Blizzard os 2021® forced them to remain indoors for hours more.

Good luck, oh you wretched, lost souls. Good luck!

Residents are increasingly fearful of neighbors or strangers showing up and requesting access to their last bottle of Domaine de la Romanée Conti wine, as day two of The Great Scottsdale Blizzard of 2021® continues.

There isn’t enough to go around. The situation has the potential to be very explosive. Tensions are high and feet are cold.

Be brave neighbors, be brave.

And so it was that on the morning of the third day, mother nature’s siege of Scottsdale came to an end. But what lessons shall the residents of Scottsdale learn from The Great Scottsdale Blizzard of 2021®?

“Clearly, we need more high-end wine shops, and Target must dedicate half their shelf space to toilet paper from now on,” suggested one resident.

“Obviously, this is global warming. It’s just science, you know? So for sure, we must hand over total control of the government, all businesses, and the economy to the brilliant people in Washington DC to stop such catastrophes in the future,” said a local meteorologist.

We have indeed survived the most vicious storm of a lifetime. So now it’s time to pick up the pieces, put on the shorts, and finish that golf game.

Congrats on survival, Scottsdale!

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